One lingering moment is all we have.
Most moments build the foundation of who you are, yet have no haven in minds memory. Some moments though, you remember. They aren’t all significant, the one’s you remember. Some just pop up. Some hang there. Some are etched. Some moments choose you and hang on. Some moments, you choose to hold onto. I don’t have the best memory, but there are moments when I remember to make the choice.
There was this one moment, in college, sitting on the floor in my apartment. I can't recall if I’m alone, but in my memory I cannot see another face. I'm sitting on the floor of our shabby two-bedroom, and that was with five of us in that small space. I’m writing, doing crafts, delighting in doodling, feeling lighthearted and lackadaisical. The music is what I remember most vividly. It was loud. It was the Cranberries. The song was simple. Slow. At the moment, it was meaningful to me. Regardless, I closed my eyes and tried to imprint that moment into my memory, mind, and time. I wanted to remember that moment. No special reason. It was just a good moment where I felt myself completely. A moment of realizing that time and life would happen to me, building upon layer after layer of the core that was once my child. Me.
Through Junior High and then Junior College and on every odd day, I can lose myself. You have those days, when you are just not 'yourself'. Some people have those lives. When I am at the center of who I am, I remember those moments and my love for my brother, sister, friend, cousin, camping, honesty and cheese. You feel so close when you are little, to these people. Then we learn religion, politics, life learns us, we get broken hearts, broken houses, new loves and new houses, different friends, evolved beliefs... slowly, more is muddled upon our surface. Life is so fleeting. No one leaves alive. All we have are each other, our memories, and our true hearts. Let us not forget to check all luggage at the door and touch each other’s hearts unclothed. Remember who loves you. Remember who we love. Remember ourselves... and those moments where we feel most ourselves. I think in order to choose to be real we have to realize the moments when we are not.
Listen to music loudly. Sit and capture the moment... by yourself. Be true. Open yourself to the lingering moment. Doesn't it feel good? I am afraid to lose people not only to death, but to life. One lingering moment, and then it is gone. We are gone. All we are is one lingering moment.
*(I wrote this many years ago but felt like throwing it out there tonight.)